He likes his women young!

Welcome to the first issue of The Enchantress Journals

”Besides, he likes his women young.”

Those words made me grip my stomach and incurvate.

The ground beneath me was unsteady. I felt like collapsing to the floor. It took everything in me to hold myself up.

The thing was it didn’t really matter that I’d just found out a guy I was close to had a girlfriend I didn’t know about. And the girlfriend was the one telling me.

It didn’t matter that she thought I was after her boyfriend. It didn’t matter so much that he’d lied. Well, actually it did, but…

What mattered more in that initial moment was that another woman had uttered those words to me.

Not a man, but a woman.

A woman only about a decade or so younger than me.

A woman who would be my age one day.

A woman who used youth as ammunition against another woman.

I know I wasn’t the first female to face that. But it was the first time I’d faced that. Ageism called by one of my own sex.

I was 45. And it was the first time I’d felt old.

Till that second I’d never considered myself the older woman… I’d never considered that a guy wouldn’t desire me because of my age. Till that second I felt young.

Funny how a moment can change everything.

Something shifted in me. And a woman stirred the shift.

Yet it wasn’t really her. She was just representative once more of our culture’s face.

The narrative we are fed from every angle. A younger woman gets the men. Men like younger women. Women should aim to stay young so they can get the men, or get the jobs, or fill in your [blank].

And in the most part, we fall right into that trap….

Youth as an elixir. The answer to everything.

I now see that me stopping myself from collapsing was part of me not buying into the narrative, not going down the hole.

I had to stand on my feet. I had to stand in my own as a woman.

This story is just one of the many stories that propelled me to create The Enchantress Journals - a menopause right of passage exploration - for women of all ages.

In that experience, I was reminded of all the other times I’d heard similar stories. Older women being told by young female recruiters to ensure they don’t show their batwing arms at interviews, or fashion store assistants suggesting a woman might like to try something more suitable for her age or that would hide her wrinkles, bulges, or less elastic skin.

And, if I’m totally honest, I’d probably done it too in my own way as a younger woman.

You see, it’s only us who can make the change. We need to respect all phases of our life cycle as a woman. We can’t expect men or a ‘culture’ to do that for us. We must lead the way.

We need to look back at young girls and admire their elongated limbs and taut skin and remember our own. We need to observe luscious pregnant women and connect with our own fertility. We need to do this without envy or jealousy, but a knowing that it all still exists within us as we are all of who we’ve ever been.

And then we need to look forward and see a maturing body as one filled with life. We need to know one day we will embody her — how do we want to feel then?

We need to recognise the oneness in us all. We need to share story. We need to back one another up. We need to remember who we were and envisage who we will be.

Traversing peri-menopause has taught me so much about the deep feminine, the part that animates us. The part that is mostly disrespected in our modern culture.

When we only honour the maiden or the mother, we dishonour the deep feminine.

I’ve invited you all to join me on this journey, whether you’re 20 something or 50 something, because as women we’re all in this together.

With love, Sharon

Community Conversation Starter:

Each week in my post, I will offer a reflection/conversation starter that we can discuss in the comments. If you don’t feel like sharing your response here, I encourage you to at least consider the questions yourself, maybe write about in your own journal.

Today’s conversation starter: Have you ever experienced something like this with another woman, whether on the receiving or giving side? How did it make you feel? Do you feel different now having read my piece?

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