Sexy mature women

What does it mean?

There is a trend I’m noticing online lately. A number of women in their early to mid 30s talking about how older women can be really sexy.

To me, it looks strange. A young, plump-lipped, wrinkle-free woman still in her peak fertile years discussing what makes up the sex appeal of menopausal women.

As someone who researches this area I check these posts and clips out. But as a 52 year old woman, without the writer/researcher angle, I would scroll right past.

It irks me because I don’t believe you can talk with real authenticity about anything until you’ve experienced it yourself. Otherwise, you’re just chuffing out text book information or second-hand knowledge or pure opinion.

This is not unlike a newsletter I received on world menopause day last year. It was from a skincare company talking about their anti-ageing products — a phrase I personally dislike anyway so I started by being put off — but then there was a special article written from one of their influencers on naturopathic tips for menopause skincare and health. She was not only late 20s, maybe early 30s, but in the photo of her she was holding her young child. I had to take a second glance. Actually I came back several times, before I decided to write an email to the company asking them whether they couldn’t find any menopausal-aged naturopaths to write the piece. I never heard back.

As women, I believe we need to demand better. Because this modern day system of ours is so mixed up and out of sync with the nature of the deep feminine principle and what our foremothers did.

In times gone by, the crones and the elders would pass on experience to the younger tribe. I tend to feel this mismatch is happening because the platforms where most of our information is received these days are places perhaps not frequented by the more mature women of the world. These women do exist, just not as readily on our screens.

As to the sexiness subject, it’s something I’ve explored a lot myself coming into menopause.

In early 2022, around my last menstrual period, I did a short stint on internet dating apps. I didn’t know it was my last period at the time because you have to wait one year, but I knew I was definitely at the tail end of my five years of peri-menopause.

When I went on to the app there was some trepidation around how I would be received as a 50 year old woman.

The ironic and very unexpected thing was that I was inundated with likes from men in their 20s and 30s. At first I thought it was some age filtering mistake, but they kept coming. Eventually, the gemini and writer in me got curious and started matching with a few and asking them questions about their interest in me. The answers led to some interesting conversations and me collating notes, with an idea for an article one day. In the meantime, I’m sharing a bit of it here.

Yes, some of the approaches were a bit crass, but most weren’t. And they didn’t just say they found me sexy, they said why. Sometimes quite descriptive, in a good way. Often it wasn’t just about my surface looks. I found the whole process fascinating and although I’m not really interested in a man that much younger, I did develop a whole new appreciation for relationships between older women and younger men.

So, in an odd way, at a time when society would tell me I was past my use by date, these men were telling me the exact opposite.

We can get into a whole discussion as to whether they actually want a long-term relationship or not, but that’s not the point of this particular piece. The point is about sex appeal, not relationships.

If I had to sum up all their responses, it would be that when it came to sexiness they defined it as older women being more at ease with themselves and their body.

I’m not meaning to take these men’s views as gospel or to say that they are the determinants of what makes a woman sexy, but I share the story because they did hit on something that ran true for me too.

As a woman having gone through a massive change, yet again, in my body, I had to learn to be comfortable with the new me. Invite her in. Welcome her changes, even if they were unexpected. And through this I did become more intimate with me.

The other thing that happens through a change, is that if you chose to, you can really attune to the energy that is directing this change. Our bodies are amazing. We are amazing. And this energy is our life-force. Our eros.

If we look at the root of the word sexy it is sex, implying that someone who is considered sexy is someone we would like to have sex with.

However when I feel sexy it doesn’t necessarily mean I want to have literal sex. It means I’m connected into that part of me that is desire. I feel that pulse that exists within. And that is available to a woman at any age and phase of life.

My truth is for a long time I didn’t think I’d feel sexy at menopause. But I do. Not always, but I didn’t feel sexy always when I was younger either. The key part is I source my sexiness from another place. I may feel sexy when a northerly wind touches my skin. Or when I lick my lips or push a curl back from my face. Or when I wear a fabric which is soft and flowy and rubs ever so gently against my leg. Or when I’m dancing or breathing and feeling an energy move through my spine. It’s so momentarily.

At menopause, it became less about my fertile-nature and more about what animates me at my core. This is a journey that not many women even know to take as we’re never really taught it. I had to go very un-mainstream to discover it. To dive deep into places we aren’t encouraged to go.

Circling back to those younger women talking about sexy older women, at one level, I get why. They are probably reflecting on their own future and wanting to feel like there is a different path forward. But what I’ve learnt is that you can’t guess it, you need to experience it.

Sexiness is not something that can even be talked about much; it’s simply something that permeates the air around a woman.

What I’ve discovered from my direct experience is that one thing has to die before another can give birth.

I wondered how I would feel without that monthly estrogen surge, how would it impact my desire. Now I know there is another source. But until I lost one, I couldn’t find the other.

I guess that’s one of the reasons I decided to write this blog for women of all ages. Not because I’m an ‘expert’ on this subject, but so I can share my story and path and hopefully pave the way for a different one for women later on.

Interestingly, I realised I chose to write this piece over a full moon weekend. The time when I used to get my estrogen surges. And I thought, not for the first time, that maybe what happens at menopause is we just become more aligned with the greater mother’s cycles. We go back to the one source...

Did you see the beautiful super full moon grace our skies over the last few nights? The light has been so light that I’ve even been able to sit out with my journal at 2am and write. No other light needed. Here’s a pic I took while watching her rise on Brunswick Heads beach on Friday evening. There are no words. Just pure magic.

Full moon blessings

Sharon